Unless you complain about your cold soup...
eventually, that is what you will always get.
How do you suppose vichyssoise came to be?
...because too few complained about the cold soup they were served.
comments / viewpoints: please direct to -- [ beatenpath (atat)goinggreatguns.com ]
1/June/2011
Dear Abbey:
Dear Abbey Dear Abbey You won't Believe This
But Kenora's Whitetail Deer Have Got Me Real Pissed
They Eat Up My Flowers and Lettuce and Greens
All You See in the Morning is Where They had Been
Sigh-end...... Deer Chaser.
19/Dec/2010
Where are all of the Lauren Bacals'?
Why do women today tend to sound all hoarse and growly as if they have throat cancer or a whiskey habit or something? And it`s not only grown women -- it`s young girls as well. What`s up? Does it start with girls, and then just persist? What?
You women... you sound icky when you talk like that.
You`re trying to emulate men, aren`t you!
No wonder that men pick on you in the workplace -- feel you up -- grab you by the crotch: -- You know what THAT is all about? It`s just a quick and convenient reality check for us guys:
balls = guy . no balls= possible mutant with some still-functional-and-perhaps-yet-useful woman-parts. If you`re a woman -- sound like one. If you got a case of penis-envy going on, then why waste your time on breast enhancements.
Focus on growing your own balls. And good luck with that.
Reduce workplace sexist harrassment --> Talk like a woman!
[ed: I had to write this... prompted by a CBC charity spot ad, featuring Chantal K., who was appealing for [insert bandwagon charity cause here].
Why does a singer such as Chantal K. have to GROWL?
... under-paid or what?
CBC didn`t pay you enough for that family ancestry segment?
Is that it? A little anger happening there? Is that what accounts for your growling?
With that voice, no one would guess you were a singer.
Where are the Lauren Bacals`?
Incidentally:
Two people who shouldn`t sing in public: Sue Foley and Randy Bachman, in that order.
If a study were ever commissioned as to the underlying causes of drinking and driving, my guess would be that one of the extenuating factors of drunk driving was directly attributed to a traffic jam, and that the driver had little choice but to sit immobilized behind the wheel and listen to one or the other of these performers while stuck in traffic. You two, do the world a favour and don't sing anymore.
I mentioned studies.
PLEASE NO MORE STUDIES!
we already KNOW the planet is in serious trouble.
Enough with the climate-change studies!
SOMEBODY just DO Something!
Enough with the bluefin tuna studies. This stock is depleted. It WILL go the way of the cod, and the carrier pidgeon, and the DODO bird...
It's as if no one is behind the wheel!
It's as if no one is in charge!
In spite of all of the governments, no one is governing!
It`s as if we are captives in a plane which is falling out of the sky, within which we would really rather have the pilot pull up... except... THERE IS NO PILOT!
Study this - study that.
Study this - study that.
Send consultant big fat cheque.
Study this - study that.
Study this - study that.
I want to come back as a consultant in my next life. Or the printer for the Federal Government. Or CEO of CBC. Or CEO of HYDRO 1 or 2 or whatever it calls itself today.
15/Dec/2010
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll wipe out a species.
28/Sep/2009
I found it! I found the parmesan cheese. It was way over in the drug pharmacy aisles --
...in between the jonitary napkins and the hand jonitiser.
4/9/2009
To Do List:
Tues:
1: Move corn from silo A to silo B.
2: Remind Liam to keep hands out of running auger.
Wed:
1: make appointment with arm prosthetician.
2: Remind Liam to keep remaining hand and also feet out of running auger.
Thurs:
1: ask prosthetician about possible arm-and-foot 2-for-1 discount.
2: Note to self: make appointment for Liam with Hearing Clinic.
25/August/2009
What is wrong with a pun? What is so wrong with a pun that people keep apologizing for it?
as in: sorry for the pun / excuse the pun / pardon the pun / no pun intended.
.................................................................................................................................................................
Opinions expressed herein are varied and should be considered offensive and off-colour unless otherwise noted.
Some content may be incomprehensible.
Some content may be lame and obvious.
Some content has big words.
Some content has been plagiarized by idea-impoverished and brain-dead ad agencies, corporations, stand-up comics, and radio hosts. Quite plagiarizing my stuff, assholes!
Anne Murray Albums should be given away.
Anne: you got the cash. Give it away already.
Quit riding Snowbird already. It doesn't owe you a thing. Give it away. Give away the royalties.
Look at you, you little-snowbird-who-just-flew-away-and-never-came-back-and-reaped-huge-benefits-and-a-cushy-california-life-style. This was a JOKE for me to suggest that you sell a Xmas album at any other time of the year!
Yet an ad agency jumped on my suggestion that a Xmas album could be sold at other times of the year [how pathetic].
You agencies/ you just don't get it. Read between the lines, for christ's sake! When someone who sees themself as perfect sings 'deck the halls with brows of holly', ... someone like me just has to jump on that.
Now, because of this ripoff, you ad-agents can be lumped right in there with politicians.
Weasels -- the lot of you.
Go apologize to Anne and give her the money back that you took from her on the premise that advertising a Xmas Album in March would do her album sales immense good because of something you read here, you ripoff jerkfaces.
_______________________________________
17/June/2009
Raise awareness THIS ... raise awareness THAT.
Can you say ED-U-CATE?
(are they not teaching anything in schools anymore?)
17/Jun/2009
All Politicians are weasels. If you aren't a weasel, it's only because you have not yet been a politician for long enough.
POLITICIANS:
Will you please just actually DO something already?
Will you please just get something DONE?
Will you please quit squandering our money?
Will you please quit giving our resources away?
Will you please STAND UP FOR CANADA, you miserable pathetic childish moronic self-serving bunch of fat-cat over-paid stuffed-shirt-avocado-dip-dipping words-are-cheap sing-them-a-song--any-song-sons of sheep-keepers?
... do you suppose you could actually do something that would make us Canadians proud to BE one?
And don't bring up the hockey thing, please.
Don't say we have hockey.
Hockey might bind the CBC and Don Cherry and Ron McLean, but it doesn't bind Canada to the extent that the CBC would have us believe.
It was not too long ago Canada was known as the wheat basket of the world.
I was proud of that, but to be proud that some Canadian is now playing in the NHL? I don`t see this as some sort of Canada-wide patriotic achievement.
When was it that the CBC took it upon itself to suggest that being patriotic was to live breathe and die hockey? Why does the CBC imply that in order for anyone to be a good patriotic citizen, that they support the game of hockey? I don't live and breathe hockey. The NHL no longer represents Canada. Cherry , go suck a puck. This league should be renamed International Hockey League -- IHL.
I do not understand the nomenclature (NHL). Why is it that a league comprised of both Canadian and U.S. teams (and now, predominately U.S. teams) still call itself the NHL (National Hockey League)? Why has it not yet been renamed the IHL? And let's just scrap the singing of the national anthems please. It's schizophrenic. On the one hand, we have a "national" hockey league (NHL), whose members comprise players from all over the world, who play on various teams throughout the U.S. and Canada. Canadians play on US teams, vice versa. Chechs, Russians, Swedes, etc. play in the NHL (for Canada or U.S.) . What is the deal with the playing of the national anthems? The league is called the NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE. Why the singing of both the U.S. and Canadian anthems at game start? Call the league the INTERNATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE, in which case it won't matter who is playing for who: Canadian playing for U.S. , Swede playing for Canada.
If it is ONE league (the National Hockey League) (NHL) --- then let's scrap the [U.S. / Canada] anthem bullshit at game opening. A national hockey league has but one national anthem. So how is it that the NHL sometimes plays one or two anthems, dependant on which tems are playing that night.
_____________________________________________________________
Two things that politicians do best:
[1] break their election promises.
[2] vote themselves annual 25% pay hikes.
<-- lovely picture of the House of Commons Weasels.
_____________________________________________
2/June/2009
Tasers: What other way out of a very bad RCMP / victim-death situation [Vancouver], than to now bring to the fore, the question of whether the Taser used in this instance was properly calibrated such that it would deliver a jolt only sufficient to suppress an apparant hostile. This is pure crap. This is a lame attempt to shift the blame from being one of RCMP aggression to a technical problem with the calibration of these stun-guns. A man died after being tasered many times. This same man, before death, also had a knee jammed into his neck. Poland is seeking to lay criminal charges. The RCMP, seems to me, is now [and how convenient for them to be doing so at this particular juncture of the Vancouver inquiry] seeking to diffuse and shift the blame onto Taser International rather than accepting or admitting blame in this incident. This is fucking bullshit. The RCMP were overly aggressive. All the man had to defend himself against four confrontational men was a lousy goddamn stapler. What other option did he have other than to wave it around in defence? It is not as if he was waving a gun. The man was not armed. He did not have a lethal weapon. If this death is eventually blamed on or shifted to Taser International in an attempt to absolve the RCMP from wrongdoing, jesus christ this will not sit well with most Canadians. If the RCMP are absolved of blame in this death, I will leave this country.
Take your lumps, officers, and get on with what is left of your miserable lives.
Don't shift the cause of this death onto a malfunctioning Taser, when in reality, you used excessive force.
Aren't you sorry now, that you just didn't shoot the man outright?
You might just as well have.
Same outcome...
And what about the video? I'll bet you would have liked to have confiscated that, and for it to have later gone [conveniently] missing.
21/May/2009
O.K. I'm back from the flu-ravaged-and-nearly-dead-and-out-basket. Is that the best you can send my way you flu-bastard? hahaha... I puke and sweat and get chills and get weak and headaches and weird body pains and stiff neck and stomach cramps and whooping coughing running eyes-nose cough some more Neo-Citran double-rum Lemon flavoured stayinbedalldayfordaysonend is that the worst you can send me you bastard of a flu?
I fart in your general direction.
Try again next year.
You know where to find me.
... so FLU YOU!
________________________________
18/May/2009
The Best way to watch Rick Mercer...
Why do east coast TV personalities (viz: Rick Mercer, Mary Walsh) have to sound as if they are 100 yards off-shore in an open boat in a howling gale? We are right here in front of you. Why are you yelling? Quit your yelling.
And get a haircut! Perms went out with the eighties.
Why don't you try something newer? Why not update yourself with a MULLET?
Then you'll only be lagging by TWENTY years!
5/May/2009
Pandemic means worldwide. There is no need to iterate a pandemic as being global -- because that's what it is!
To say that there is a global pandemic is about as stupid as saying 'the tradition continues' (a tradition is an ongoing occurance -- something that repeats itself).
News is dead. There is no news anymore. When the same item is reported hour by hour over the course of a day or two, it is NO LONGER NEWS!
There is only an INSTANT of news at any given time. The rest is noise. If there is a complete lack of reporter news-gathering such that the same news item is to be iterated over the course of a day or two, please... let's not call it news. Call it something else. Call it a STALEcast.
Let's re-think the reporting of news. Let's re-think the half-hour on the hour reporting.
What about a complete and fully comprehensive report every second day?
Or... once a week?
I could live with that.
Or what about one big newscast once a month, wrapped up into twenty minutes.
That would be good.
That would be news.
1/4/2009 at 20:41
Music: Michael Bolton: ...blonde white guy trying to sound black... hehe! Diana Ross [comes with her own personal pasted-on smile] trying to sound white. BB King sounding altogether too smooth. All too syrupy. Where was the guts, BB? Where was the spontaneity? Where was the soul, man? You were never in my books as a blues artist. Blues is RAW. Some of my friends told me they liked your music. I dumped them. You're like shopping at Safeway. Way white. If I shopped there, I would bump into you, wouldn't I? ...and maybe Diana Ross too.
ick.
Here's an opportunity for you. Come out of hiding and give us white guys what the blacks are known for. Give us what we have be waiting for since the sixties and the last time there was any good raw music comin' out of the trouble and grief of the poor oppressed. Give us that gutsy soul stuff! But something more than finger-poking hand-pointing crap that we have now, played by smart-asses wearing gold chains who smart-assedly named those gold chains bling. Then maybe we'll start buying music again. Studio music is just crap.
Studio loops and sampling let just about anyone make 'musique'. Cheap.
Stone them. Drag them into the studio. Take 1. Take 2. HEY! That's a hit. OK. But, listen... we did all the work... all you did was come in here for a bit. And let's not forget the free drugs, ...so... deducting all that from your payout... here's a buck. Spend it wisely. cul8r.
My thinking: what's going on [generally] with music production now, is pretty much what happened in the 50's - 60's -- get a black musician into the studio... get him juiced up... record everything... pay him dick-all.
Oh! Wait! Except NOW... be sure to instruct him to make jabbing hand motions towards the audience -- being sure that he uses only the first and last fingers of either or preferably both hands. This makes it look hip. Afterall, the more stereotypical, the more sales...right?
And... oh yeah! Be sure the baseball cap is on backwards. THAT'll be good! That's always great for sales. And be sure the clothes are ridiculously baggy. That's a great inspirational role-model that the kids can look up to and emulate. Show your wounds, man. Show off them bullet wounds. That's great. Makes you look tough, man. Kids'll eat this right up. You stole cars? Great! We'll get that out there upfront too. Great role model! Kids'll love this, man! Oh yeah. Put that hood up over your head. Cover up your head. That's another great image for kids to copy.
1/April/2009
Who was it that designed those glasses with the really wide temples that look like a horse wearing blinders? Why would anyone want something like that on their face? Like a horse wearing blinders? This is just BAD ART! Women choosing to wear this type of frame should also consider wearing a black leather studded collar -- they go hand in hand. But ensure yourself that the studded collar bears a [BRAND NAME] label as do your glasses. That way, you become a bonafide corporate sponsor and are sure to gain immediate acceptance amongst your peers for your due diligence in being a smart consumer. Go with the flow, babe! Be someone that Corporate America deems you to be. Forget about you. Go with the label. The label, after all, is YOU... right? The Label sez who you are. You are one with the label you bear -- meanwhile, who the hell are you other than a corporate venue?
Stop whoring around. The Paris Hiltons laugh in your face.
Get a tatto. Get it on your nose. Tatto a ring on your nose and save yourself the pain of piercing. Farm animals were given nose rings so that they could be led around. You with the nose rings, you need taming, don't you? You need to be led around by some Corporate Ad, don't you?
How sad.
26/March/2009
The Anne Murray Christmas Album. It's not just for Christmas anymore!
Now you can deck your brows with holly all year 'round!
26/March/2009
Leonard Cohen goes on tour. Nominated for Juno award. Nomineer deemed drunk at time. Current stage presence deemed amazingly life-like. Critics state that on-stage performance might even surpass that of Margaret Atwood. Cadaver-of-the-Month Award deemed well within grasp.
Suzanne, now in her nineties, admits that decades of air-play of 'her' song has contributed to her compulsion of taking young men down to a place near some river.
In private, Suzanne admits that 'young men are harder to find these days, and even harder to coherce into coming down to ANY place near a river. Fifty years ago... O.K., but today, and in these times? Cripes, these days they look at me like I'm WEIRD, man! Like they think I'm gunna DROWN them or something. Jeez. And what happened with puffin' a fatty, anyway? Punks nowadays are looking for nose-candy shit, whatever tHAT is. And they actually laugh out loud at my 8-track collection. It's awful! How can I afford nose-candy? How can I afford new 8-tracks? On my wages? On MY severance package? How am I supposed to support all that? C'mon! Jesus! Tie-dye shirts ain't pulling in what they used to. And that Leonard whazizzname that started all this shit? Do you think he ever comes down and does the dirty with me anymore? Fuck me.
26/March/2009
Crown: This frame clearly shows your knee on the back of his head.
RCMP: That's not my knee. That's a knee, alright, but it's not MY knee. And that figure to which the knee is attached... that's not me either. I wasn't even there at the time. My notes of this incident show that at the time, I was having a do-nut over on the west side. And those other guys there? They weren't there either. They were with me. We were all having donuts. Banana creme do-nuts. All of us. Look at our notes. All of our notes show that we were having banana-creme donuts over five miles away. And our Tasers were holstered at the time, too. So there. So what would you believe? Some stupid amateur video footage or reputable RCMP officers with impeccable notes?
Come to Canada - Get the Shock of your life!
Congratulations to the amateur video-photographer for taking this footage. Without it, sadly, you know it and I know it: there would have been no incident whatsoever. ...And all would have been washed away and everything coming up roses and sunshine and sweet-smelling babies and puppy breath and pretty Northern Lights and peppermint patties and Woodstock-no-problem-man sixties again.
20/1/2009 at 11:27 PM
Potatoes: Now that we know sprouting potatoes are toxic (carcinogenic), what is our assurance that sprouting potatoes don't end up as french fries or chips? What happens to a potatoe gone past its prime and has begun to sprout? There is no way to recognize a sprouted potatoe once it has been peeled and chipped up. Would not suppliers of fast-fried chips buy the cheapest potatoes in order to maximize profits? From which wholesalers' bin do you suppose the cheapest potatoes would come from? ... potatoes destined to be fries... would these be of the very best quality then? Would these be the potatoes that never make it to the grocery shelves because they are too good to be merely baked and boiled?
20/Jan/2009
Peanut Butter: further to this.
I had occasion to write a paper on the health effects of pesticides/ insecticides in our food back in my college days. During the research, I found some curious things: that crops on the downwind side of the 401 contained a higher incidence of lead than on the upwind side -- attributed to the use of leaded gasoline. I also found that sprouting potatoes give off a potent carcinogen, and that peanuts in storage were subject to a mould which produced something called aflatoxin, which is toxic and carcinogenic.
There was a time when we could switch butchers... when we had a choice in who cut our meat -- and if we found that an unscrupulous meat-cutter would grind fat and blood into his ground beef to bulk it up, we'd just go down the street to someone else. But now, we don't have that choice. Big industry has arrived, and now, it's o.k. that there is occasional shit in our meat. Shouldn't it be consumer before commerce as far as food safety? Why do people have to die of [listeriosis] before Health officials wake up. What are they getting paid for? Let's clean up our foodchain! I don't feel that our options as consumers should be to thoroughly cook our hamburger to 300 deg C. and to boil our water!
6/Jan/2009
If Margarine comprised of nearly 2/3 water (see below) is allowed to be called Margarine... if a product ingredient list says water first, ... and can still be called something other than water... then how are we to trust the list of ingredients?
SO: what about our fast-foods then, which don't have a convenient list of ingredients?
What exactly would be in our fast-food cheeseburgers?
6/Jan/2009
Lip Gloss: Why would you want to put something on your lips that makes you look like you just blew someone?
17/Dec/2008
What's happening with our food? Look at the ingredient list on a jar of peanut butter: you are not likely to find any reference to peanut oil. There is none. It's been replaced by cheaper oils. And the peanut oil that should be in that jar of peanut butter has gone over to the cooking oil aisle, garnering a bigger profit for the makers.
Once the oil is extracted = peanut pulp with no taste. Technically, it is still a peanut, and can be listed as an ingredient, but the taste comes from the oil. It's a rip-off to be calling it peanut butter when it doesn't have any significant peanut oil in it.
Without peanut oil it isn't peanut butter anymore.
In other aisles, there are potato chips that are chicken-flavoured (why would anyone want chicken-flavoured chips?) If chips can be made to taste like chicken, we are not too far away from eating sawdust that has been merely artificially-flavoured as chicken... or sirloin... or butter... [I can't believe it's not butter!]
Look at Becel margarines: look beyond the lid. Look at the ingredient list on the side of this 'health-checked' product. Whereas the lid says 92% [x] and 8% [y], suggesting that this product is 100% [z]: actually the main ingredient is water -- almost 2/3 water. Instead of spreading your toast with this stuff, just run your toast under the tap: there would be little difference.
That healthy-food-choice-checkmark on the Becel lid didn't influence your purchasing decision, perchance? Did you buy it because of its appearance of being government-approved [i.e. Health Canada]?
Consumers need a rubber stamp seal-of-disapproval, with which to stamp out the crap in our grocery aisles.
At one time, if there was e-coli in our ground hamburger, we'd stop buying from that butcher. With Big Industry, we have lost the choice to do so, and are now instructed -- via a warning label -- to cook our food well. We no longer have a way to protect ourselves from [the literal] shit in our food, short of just not buying it anymore.
12/Dec/2008
Sick of Web Page Ads? Me too. The internet was supposed to be a place for free information. Now it's just full of sidebar junk. This is nothing but noise (almost as bad as some television, where actual content is nothing more than meaningless filler between commercial breaks -- e.g.: the mmwahh-mmwahh boys on CBC who featured some painted face showing viewers HOW TO WASH YOUR FACE).
And finding anything of relevance to a search can be tedious, because a search engine will lead you to yet another search engine, giving priority to paid ads, all at your expense. This is worse than the plague of telemarketers.
Do this to unclutter your browsing... thereinafter you will find your searches amazingly uncluttered.
8/Dec/2008
No wonder dogs like this stuff. It's got sugar! Sugar and flour are the main ingredients! Mmmmm... just like pancakes and syrup.
Has your doggie got a dental plan to relieve you from the eventual outcome of such stupid treats?
29/Sept/2006
Airmiles? Don't you hate being asked that? I do. Firstly, it makes me feel small -- like I'm being childishly reminded of something I've forgotten. Between friends, ifmy fly is unzipped the birdies are out, and you tell me as much, great! Or if there's a hunk of lettuce hanging off my bicuspid and ruining my smile, I would expect you to point that out to me, and thanks. But for an impersonal clerk to ask me 'airmiles?' encrouches on my personal space. Don't you clerks think that if I had such a card, and was intent on collecting points, that I would not offer it up? I don't HAVE one, O.K.? So knock it off or I'll shop somewhere else out of sheer annoyance. It's nobody's business but mine what kind of condoms I buy, how often, the style, the size, the frequency, the day of the week, time of day, the brand, quantity, etc. Anyway... off now to buy more womens' lingerie... (that's TWICE today).
10/Mar/2006
Why is it that something tamped in is called a tampon?
2/Mar/2006 at 01:23:26 AM
One hundred and forty seven Ethiopians cash in U2 CD's, charter helicopter to Labrador to raise awareness of lack of omega-3 fatty acids in diet of seal-pups. Acts of pup-clubbers determined humanitarian. Charter helicopter pilot leaves Ethiopians on ice-field -- flies off to seek other cushy job with more perks -- abandoned Ethiopians find forced diet of blubber fattening -- quickly die of guilt over skinny loved ones back home that could not fit into helicopter -- federal government launches fifty million dollar study to determine relationship between guilt and high-fat diet. Fat-cat Canadian taxpayers join no-clubbing-seal-pup club out of boredom and lack of direction in life. Health club manager clubs self over obscenely-fat profit margins -- currently lies in coma -- Canadian healthcare system takes clubbing. Tiring of the elitist 'men-only' clubs, award-winning Polo player suggests a 'seal-clubbers-only club'. With sealed lips, several prominent rock-stars very much graciously decline offer to join.
I very much came.
I very much saw.
I very much clubbed.
I very much made a living.
I very much wannahold club your hand.
I very much want a divorce very much with amenities.
Is that a happy seal in your pocket or are you about to go clubbing?
12/Feb/2006
Scientists announce major breakthrough: Pedadermal fungus, commonly known as 'athelete's foot' now considerederadicated. Also in news: Olympic athelete's foot stamped out in freak equestrian accident.
7/Feb/2006
16/Jan/2006
Easily protect your dog from theft with this vet-free tagging device.
11/Jan/2006
Religion and Health Care: If fewer Canadians went to mass, we wouldn't be needing all thoseknee transplants.
1/Jan/2006
New Postings to this site are now cut in half.
In order to meet the strict requirements of a New Year's resolution, and in consideration ofglobal warming, I have resolved to cut my online emissions in half. Which means that your reading time will be half as much as well.
So... we`re all doing our little itsy-bitsy part.
Big Deal.
2005 files
2005 archived files off the beaten path.
2004 files
2004 archived files off the beaten path.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
www.goinggreatguns.com
Zroback Renovating: renovating and home improvement website
eventually, that is what you will always get.
How do you suppose vichyssoise came to be?
...because too few complained about the cold soup they were served.
comments / viewpoints: please direct to -- [ beatenpath (atat)goinggreatguns.com ]
1/June/2011
Dear Abbey:
Dear Abbey Dear Abbey You won't Believe This
But Kenora's Whitetail Deer Have Got Me Real Pissed
They Eat Up My Flowers and Lettuce and Greens
All You See in the Morning is Where They had Been
Sigh-end...... Deer Chaser.
19/Dec/2010
Where are all of the Lauren Bacals'?
Why do women today tend to sound all hoarse and growly as if they have throat cancer or a whiskey habit or something? And it`s not only grown women -- it`s young girls as well. What`s up? Does it start with girls, and then just persist? What?
You women... you sound icky when you talk like that.
You`re trying to emulate men, aren`t you!
No wonder that men pick on you in the workplace -- feel you up -- grab you by the crotch: -- You know what THAT is all about? It`s just a quick and convenient reality check for us guys:
balls = guy . no balls= possible mutant with some still-functional-and-perhaps-yet-useful woman-parts. If you`re a woman -- sound like one. If you got a case of penis-envy going on, then why waste your time on breast enhancements.
Focus on growing your own balls. And good luck with that.
Reduce workplace sexist harrassment --> Talk like a woman!
[ed: I had to write this... prompted by a CBC charity spot ad, featuring Chantal K., who was appealing for [insert bandwagon charity cause here].
Why does a singer such as Chantal K. have to GROWL?
... under-paid or what?
CBC didn`t pay you enough for that family ancestry segment?
Is that it? A little anger happening there? Is that what accounts for your growling?
With that voice, no one would guess you were a singer.
Where are the Lauren Bacals`?
Incidentally:
Two people who shouldn`t sing in public: Sue Foley and Randy Bachman, in that order.
If a study were ever commissioned as to the underlying causes of drinking and driving, my guess would be that one of the extenuating factors of drunk driving was directly attributed to a traffic jam, and that the driver had little choice but to sit immobilized behind the wheel and listen to one or the other of these performers while stuck in traffic. You two, do the world a favour and don't sing anymore.
I mentioned studies.
PLEASE NO MORE STUDIES!
we already KNOW the planet is in serious trouble.
Enough with the climate-change studies!
SOMEBODY just DO Something!
Enough with the bluefin tuna studies. This stock is depleted. It WILL go the way of the cod, and the carrier pidgeon, and the DODO bird...
It's as if no one is behind the wheel!
It's as if no one is in charge!
In spite of all of the governments, no one is governing!
It`s as if we are captives in a plane which is falling out of the sky, within which we would really rather have the pilot pull up... except... THERE IS NO PILOT!
Study this - study that.
Study this - study that.
Send consultant big fat cheque.
Study this - study that.
Study this - study that.
I want to come back as a consultant in my next life. Or the printer for the Federal Government. Or CEO of CBC. Or CEO of HYDRO 1 or 2 or whatever it calls itself today.
15/Dec/2010
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll wipe out a species.
28/Sep/2009
I found it! I found the parmesan cheese. It was way over in the drug pharmacy aisles --
...in between the jonitary napkins and the hand jonitiser.
4/9/2009
To Do List:
Tues:
1: Move corn from silo A to silo B.
2: Remind Liam to keep hands out of running auger.
Wed:
1: make appointment with arm prosthetician.
2: Remind Liam to keep remaining hand and also feet out of running auger.
Thurs:
1: ask prosthetician about possible arm-and-foot 2-for-1 discount.
2: Note to self: make appointment for Liam with Hearing Clinic.
25/August/2009
What is wrong with a pun? What is so wrong with a pun that people keep apologizing for it?
as in: sorry for the pun / excuse the pun / pardon the pun / no pun intended.
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Opinions expressed herein are varied and should be considered offensive and off-colour unless otherwise noted.
Some content may be incomprehensible.
Some content may be lame and obvious.
Some content has big words.
Some content has been plagiarized by idea-impoverished and brain-dead ad agencies, corporations, stand-up comics, and radio hosts. Quite plagiarizing my stuff, assholes!
Anne Murray Albums should be given away.
Anne: you got the cash. Give it away already.
Quit riding Snowbird already. It doesn't owe you a thing. Give it away. Give away the royalties.
Look at you, you little-snowbird-who-just-flew-away-and-never-came-back-and-reaped-huge-benefits-and-a-cushy-california-life-style. This was a JOKE for me to suggest that you sell a Xmas album at any other time of the year!
Yet an ad agency jumped on my suggestion that a Xmas album could be sold at other times of the year [how pathetic].
You agencies/ you just don't get it. Read between the lines, for christ's sake! When someone who sees themself as perfect sings 'deck the halls with brows of holly', ... someone like me just has to jump on that.
Now, because of this ripoff, you ad-agents can be lumped right in there with politicians.
Weasels -- the lot of you.
Go apologize to Anne and give her the money back that you took from her on the premise that advertising a Xmas Album in March would do her album sales immense good because of something you read here, you ripoff jerkfaces.
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17/June/2009
Raise awareness THIS ... raise awareness THAT.
Can you say ED-U-CATE?
(are they not teaching anything in schools anymore?)
17/Jun/2009
All Politicians are weasels. If you aren't a weasel, it's only because you have not yet been a politician for long enough.
POLITICIANS:
Will you please just actually DO something already?
Will you please just get something DONE?
Will you please quit squandering our money?
Will you please quit giving our resources away?
Will you please STAND UP FOR CANADA, you miserable pathetic childish moronic self-serving bunch of fat-cat over-paid stuffed-shirt-avocado-dip-dipping words-are-cheap sing-them-a-song--any-song-sons of sheep-keepers?
... do you suppose you could actually do something that would make us Canadians proud to BE one?
And don't bring up the hockey thing, please.
Don't say we have hockey.
Hockey might bind the CBC and Don Cherry and Ron McLean, but it doesn't bind Canada to the extent that the CBC would have us believe.
It was not too long ago Canada was known as the wheat basket of the world.
I was proud of that, but to be proud that some Canadian is now playing in the NHL? I don`t see this as some sort of Canada-wide patriotic achievement.
When was it that the CBC took it upon itself to suggest that being patriotic was to live breathe and die hockey? Why does the CBC imply that in order for anyone to be a good patriotic citizen, that they support the game of hockey? I don't live and breathe hockey. The NHL no longer represents Canada. Cherry , go suck a puck. This league should be renamed International Hockey League -- IHL.
I do not understand the nomenclature (NHL). Why is it that a league comprised of both Canadian and U.S. teams (and now, predominately U.S. teams) still call itself the NHL (National Hockey League)? Why has it not yet been renamed the IHL? And let's just scrap the singing of the national anthems please. It's schizophrenic. On the one hand, we have a "national" hockey league (NHL), whose members comprise players from all over the world, who play on various teams throughout the U.S. and Canada. Canadians play on US teams, vice versa. Chechs, Russians, Swedes, etc. play in the NHL (for Canada or U.S.) . What is the deal with the playing of the national anthems? The league is called the NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE. Why the singing of both the U.S. and Canadian anthems at game start? Call the league the INTERNATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE, in which case it won't matter who is playing for who: Canadian playing for U.S. , Swede playing for Canada.
If it is ONE league (the National Hockey League) (NHL) --- then let's scrap the [U.S. / Canada] anthem bullshit at game opening. A national hockey league has but one national anthem. So how is it that the NHL sometimes plays one or two anthems, dependant on which tems are playing that night.
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Two things that politicians do best:
[1] break their election promises.
[2] vote themselves annual 25% pay hikes.
<-- lovely picture of the House of _____________________________________________
2/June/2009
Tasers: What other way out of a very bad RCMP / victim-death situation [Vancouver], than to now bring to the fore, the question of whether the Taser used in this instance was properly calibrated such that it would deliver a jolt only sufficient to suppress an apparant hostile. This is pure crap. This is a lame attempt to shift the blame from being one of RCMP aggression to a technical problem with the calibration of these stun-guns. A man died after being tasered many times. This same man, before death, also had a knee jammed into his neck. Poland is seeking to lay criminal charges. The RCMP, seems to me, is now [and how convenient for them to be doing so at this particular juncture of the Vancouver inquiry] seeking to diffuse and shift the blame onto Taser International rather than accepting or admitting blame in this incident. This is fucking bullshit. The RCMP were overly aggressive. All the man had to defend himself against four confrontational men was a lousy goddamn stapler. What other option did he have other than to wave it around in defence? It is not as if he was waving a gun. The man was not armed. He did not have a lethal weapon. If this death is eventually blamed on or shifted to Taser International in an attempt to absolve the RCMP from wrongdoing, jesus christ this will not sit well with most Canadians. If the RCMP are absolved of blame in this death, I will leave this country.
Take your lumps, officers, and get on with what is left of your miserable lives.
Don't shift the cause of this death onto a malfunctioning Taser, when in reality, you used excessive force.
Aren't you sorry now, that you just didn't shoot the man outright?
You might just as well have.
Same outcome...
And what about the video? I'll bet you would have liked to have confiscated that, and for it to have later gone [conveniently] missing.
21/May/2009
O.K. I'm back from the flu-ravaged-and-nearly-dead-and-out-basket. Is that the best you can send my way you flu-bastard? hahaha... I puke and sweat and get chills and get weak and headaches and weird body pains and stiff neck and stomach cramps and whooping coughing running eyes-nose cough some more Neo-Citran double-rum Lemon flavoured stayinbedalldayfordaysonend is that the worst you can send me you bastard of a flu?
I fart in your general direction.
Try again next year.
You know where to find me.
... so FLU YOU!
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18/May/2009
The Best way to watch Rick Mercer...
Why do east coast TV personalities (viz: Rick Mercer, Mary Walsh) have to sound as if they are 100 yards off-shore in an open boat in a howling gale? We are right here in front of you. Why are you yelling? Quit your yelling.
And get a haircut! Perms went out with the eighties.
Why don't you try something newer? Why not update yourself with a MULLET?
Then you'll only be lagging by TWENTY years!
5/May/2009
Pandemic means worldwide. There is no need to iterate a pandemic as being global -- because that's what it is!
To say that there is a global pandemic is about as stupid as saying 'the tradition continues' (a tradition is an ongoing occurance -- something that repeats itself).
News is dead. There is no news anymore. When the same item is reported hour by hour over the course of a day or two, it is NO LONGER NEWS!
There is only an INSTANT of news at any given time. The rest is noise. If there is a complete lack of reporter news-gathering such that the same news item is to be iterated over the course of a day or two, please... let's not call it news. Call it something else. Call it a STALEcast.
Let's re-think the reporting of news. Let's re-think the half-hour on the hour reporting.
What about a complete and fully comprehensive report every second day?
Or... once a week?
I could live with that.
Or what about one big newscast once a month, wrapped up into twenty minutes.
That would be good.
That would be news.
1/4/2009 at 20:41
Music: Michael Bolton: ...blonde white guy trying to sound black... hehe! Diana Ross [comes with her own personal pasted-on smile] trying to sound white. BB King sounding altogether too smooth. All too syrupy. Where was the guts, BB? Where was the spontaneity? Where was the soul, man? You were never in my books as a blues artist. Blues is RAW. Some of my friends told me they liked your music. I dumped them. You're like shopping at Safeway. Way white. If I shopped there, I would bump into you, wouldn't I? ...and maybe Diana Ross too.
ick.
Here's an opportunity for you. Come out of hiding and give us white guys what the blacks are known for. Give us what we have be waiting for since the sixties and the last time there was any good raw music comin' out of the trouble and grief of the poor oppressed. Give us that gutsy soul stuff! But something more than finger-poking hand-pointing crap that we have now, played by smart-asses wearing gold chains who smart-assedly named those gold chains bling. Then maybe we'll start buying music again. Studio music is just crap.
Studio loops and sampling let just about anyone make 'musique'. Cheap.
Stone them. Drag them into the studio. Take 1. Take 2. HEY! That's a hit. OK. But, listen... we did all the work... all you did was come in here for a bit. And let's not forget the free drugs, ...so... deducting all that from your payout... here's a buck. Spend it wisely. cul8r.
My thinking: what's going on [generally] with music production now, is pretty much what happened in the 50's - 60's -- get a black musician into the studio... get him juiced up... record everything... pay him dick-all.
Oh! Wait! Except NOW... be sure to instruct him to make jabbing hand motions towards the audience -- being sure that he uses only the first and last fingers of either or preferably both hands. This makes it look hip. Afterall, the more stereotypical, the more sales...right?
And... oh yeah! Be sure the baseball cap is on backwards. THAT'll be good! That's always great for sales. And be sure the clothes are ridiculously baggy. That's a great inspirational role-model that the kids can look up to and emulate. Show your wounds, man. Show off them bullet wounds. That's great. Makes you look tough, man. Kids'll eat this right up. You stole cars? Great! We'll get that out there upfront too. Great role model! Kids'll love this, man! Oh yeah. Put that hood up over your head. Cover up your head. That's another great image for kids to copy.
1/April/2009
Who was it that designed those glasses with the really wide temples that look like a horse wearing blinders? Why would anyone want something like that on their face? Like a horse wearing blinders? This is just BAD ART! Women choosing to wear this type of frame should also consider wearing a black leather studded collar -- they go hand in hand. But ensure yourself that the studded collar bears a [BRAND NAME] label as do your glasses. That way, you become a bonafide corporate sponsor and are sure to gain immediate acceptance amongst your peers for your due diligence in being a smart consumer. Go with the flow, babe! Be someone that Corporate America deems you to be. Forget about you. Go with the label. The label, after all, is YOU... right? The Label sez who you are. You are one with the label you bear -- meanwhile, who the hell are you other than a corporate venue?
Stop whoring around. The Paris Hiltons laugh in your face.
Get a tatto. Get it on your nose. Tatto a ring on your nose and save yourself the pain of piercing. Farm animals were given nose rings so that they could be led around. You with the nose rings, you need taming, don't you? You need to be led around by some Corporate Ad, don't you?
How sad.
26/March/2009
The Anne Murray Christmas Album. It's not just for Christmas anymore!
Now you can deck your brows with holly all year 'round!
26/March/2009
Leonard Cohen goes on tour. Nominated for Juno award. Nomineer deemed drunk at time. Current stage presence deemed amazingly life-like. Critics state that on-stage performance might even surpass that of Margaret Atwood. Cadaver-of-the-Month Award deemed well within grasp.
Suzanne, now in her nineties, admits that decades of air-play of 'her' song has contributed to her compulsion of taking young men down to a place near some river.
In private, Suzanne admits that 'young men are harder to find these days, and even harder to coherce into coming down to ANY place near a river. Fifty years ago... O.K., but today, and in these times? Cripes, these days they look at me like I'm WEIRD, man! Like they think I'm gunna DROWN them or something. Jeez. And what happened with puffin' a fatty, anyway? Punks nowadays are looking for nose-candy shit, whatever tHAT is. And they actually laugh out loud at my 8-track collection. It's awful! How can I afford nose-candy? How can I afford new 8-tracks? On my wages? On MY severance package? How am I supposed to support all that? C'mon! Jesus! Tie-dye shirts ain't pulling in what they used to. And that Leonard whazizzname that started all this shit? Do you think he ever comes down and does the dirty with me anymore? Fuck me.
26/March/2009
Crown: This frame clearly shows your knee on the back of his head.
RCMP: That's not my knee. That's a knee, alright, but it's not MY knee. And that figure to which the knee is attached... that's not me either. I wasn't even there at the time. My notes of this incident show that at the time, I was having a do-nut over on the west side. And those other guys there? They weren't there either. They were with me. We were all having donuts. Banana creme do-nuts. All of us. Look at our notes. All of our notes show that we were having banana-creme donuts over five miles away. And our Tasers were holstered at the time, too. So there. So what would you believe? Some stupid amateur video footage or reputable RCMP officers with impeccable notes?
Come to Canada - Get the Shock of your life!
Congratulations to the amateur video-photographer for taking this footage. Without it, sadly, you know it and I know it: there would have been no incident whatsoever. ...And all would have been washed away and everything coming up roses and sunshine and sweet-smelling babies and puppy breath and pretty Northern Lights and peppermint patties and Woodstock-no-problem-man sixties again.
20/1/2009 at 11:27 PM
Potatoes: Now that we know sprouting potatoes are toxic (carcinogenic), what is our assurance that sprouting potatoes don't end up as french fries or chips? What happens to a potatoe gone past its prime and has begun to sprout? There is no way to recognize a sprouted potatoe once it has been peeled and chipped up. Would not suppliers of fast-fried chips buy the cheapest potatoes in order to maximize profits? From which wholesalers' bin do you suppose the cheapest potatoes would come from? ... potatoes destined to be fries... would these be of the very best quality then? Would these be the potatoes that never make it to the grocery shelves because they are too good to be merely baked and boiled?
20/Jan/2009
Peanut Butter: further to this.
I had occasion to write a paper on the health effects of pesticides/ insecticides in our food back in my college days. During the research, I found some curious things: that crops on the downwind side of the 401 contained a higher incidence of lead than on the upwind side -- attributed to the use of leaded gasoline. I also found that sprouting potatoes give off a potent carcinogen, and that peanuts in storage were subject to a mould which produced something called aflatoxin, which is toxic and carcinogenic.
There was a time when we could switch butchers... when we had a choice in who cut our meat -- and if we found that an unscrupulous meat-cutter would grind fat and blood into his ground beef to bulk it up, we'd just go down the street to someone else. But now, we don't have that choice. Big industry has arrived, and now, it's o.k. that there is occasional shit in our meat. Shouldn't it be consumer before commerce as far as food safety? Why do people have to die of [listeriosis] before Health officials wake up. What are they getting paid for? Let's clean up our foodchain! I don't feel that our options as consumers should be to thoroughly cook our hamburger to 300 deg C. and to boil our water!
6/Jan/2009
If Margarine comprised of nearly 2/3 water (see below) is allowed to be called Margarine... if a product ingredient list says water first, ... and can still be called something other than water... then how are we to trust the list of ingredients?
SO: what about our fast-foods then, which don't have a convenient list of ingredients?
What exactly would be in our fast-food cheeseburgers?
6/Jan/2009
Lip Gloss: Why would you want to put something on your lips that makes you look like you just blew someone?
17/Dec/2008
What's happening with our food? Look at the ingredient list on a jar of peanut butter: you are not likely to find any reference to peanut oil. There is none. It's been replaced by cheaper oils. And the peanut oil that should be in that jar of peanut butter has gone over to the cooking oil aisle, garnering a bigger profit for the makers.
Once the oil is extracted = peanut pulp with no taste. Technically, it is still a peanut, and can be listed as an ingredient, but the taste comes from the oil. It's a rip-off to be calling it peanut butter when it doesn't have any significant peanut oil in it.
Without peanut oil it isn't peanut butter anymore.
In other aisles, there are potato chips that are chicken-flavoured (why would anyone want chicken-flavoured chips?) If chips can be made to taste like chicken, we are not too far away from eating sawdust that has been merely artificially-flavoured as chicken... or sirloin... or butter... [I can't believe it's not butter!]
Look at Becel margarines: look beyond the lid. Look at the ingredient list on the side of this 'health-checked' product. Whereas the lid says 92% [x] and 8% [y], suggesting that this product is 100% [z]: actually the main ingredient is water -- almost 2/3 water. Instead of spreading your toast with this stuff, just run your toast under the tap: there would be little difference.
That healthy-food-choice-checkmark on the Becel lid didn't influence your purchasing decision, perchance? Did you buy it because of its appearance of being government-approved [i.e. Health Canada]?
Consumers need a rubber stamp seal-of-disapproval, with which to stamp out the crap in our grocery aisles.
At one time, if there was e-coli in our ground hamburger, we'd stop buying from that butcher. With Big Industry, we have lost the choice to do so, and are now instructed -- via a warning label -- to cook our food well. We no longer have a way to protect ourselves from [the literal] shit in our food, short of just not buying it anymore.
12/Dec/2008
Sick of Web Page Ads? Me too. The internet was supposed to be a place for free information. Now it's just full of sidebar junk. This is nothing but noise (almost as bad as some television, where actual content is nothing more than meaningless filler between commercial breaks -- e.g.: the mmwahh-mmwahh boys on CBC who featured some painted face showing viewers HOW TO WASH YOUR FACE).
And finding anything of relevance to a search can be tedious, because a search engine will lead you to yet another search engine, giving priority to paid ads, all at your expense. This is worse than the plague of telemarketers.
Do this to unclutter your browsing... thereinafter you will find your searches amazingly uncluttered.
8/Dec/2008
No wonder dogs like this stuff. It's got sugar! Sugar and flour are the main ingredients! Mmmmm... just like pancakes and syrup.
Has your doggie got a dental plan to relieve you from the eventual outcome of such stupid treats?
29/Sept/2006
Airmiles? Don't you hate being asked that? I do. Firstly, it makes me feel small -- like I'm being childishly reminded of something I've forgotten. Between friends, if
10/Mar/2006
Why is it that something tamped in is called a tampon?
2/Mar/2006 at 01:23:26 AM
One hundred and forty seven Ethiopians cash in U2 CD's, charter helicopter to Labrador to raise awareness of lack of omega-3 fatty acids in diet of seal-pups. Acts of pup-clubbers determined humanitarian. Charter helicopter pilot leaves Ethiopians on ice-field -- flies off to seek other cushy job with more perks -- abandoned Ethiopians find forced diet of blubber fattening -- quickly die of guilt over skinny loved ones back home that could not fit into helicopter -- federal government launches fifty million dollar study to determine relationship between guilt and high-fat diet. Fat-cat Canadian taxpayers join no-clubbing-seal-pup club out of boredom and lack of direction in life. Health club manager clubs self over obscenely-fat profit margins -- currently lies in coma -- Canadian healthcare system takes clubbing. Tiring of the elitist 'men-only' clubs, award-winning Polo player suggests a 'seal-clubbers-only club'. With sealed lips, several prominent rock-stars very much graciously decline offer to join.
I very much came.
I very much saw.
I very much clubbed.
I very much made a living.
I very much wanna
I very much want a divorce very much with amenities.
Is that a happy seal in your pocket or are you about to go clubbing?
12/Feb/2006
Scientists announce major breakthrough: Pedadermal fungus, commonly known as 'athelete's foot' now considerederadicated. Also in news: Olympic athelete's foot stamped out in freak equestrian accident.
7/Feb/2006
16/Jan/2006
Easily protect your dog from theft with this vet-free tagging device.
11/Jan/2006
Religion and Health Care: If fewer Canadians went to mass, we wouldn't be needing all thoseknee transplants.
1/Jan/2006
New Postings to this site are now cut in half.
In order to meet the strict requirements of a New Year's resolution, and in consideration ofglobal warming, I have resolved to cut my online emissions in half. Which means that your reading time will be half as much as well.
So... we`re all doing our little itsy-bitsy part.
Big Deal.
2005 files
2005 archived files off the beaten path.
2004 files
2004 archived files off the beaten path.
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